Many husbands pride themselves in their new found skill with mixing medications and administering injections for their wives. It helps many men who are used to caring for their wives to be in control of administering the medication for them. Successful IVF then becomes something he’s has played a very active role in and related better to the experience, his wife and the resulting baby.

Despite a lack of prior experience, most people can learn to prepare and administer the medication. Whether it is the feeling of “playing doctor” or the knowledge that he is contributing significantly in the process and supporting his wife, most men relate that giving their wives the injections was a positive experience for them and for their relationship.

Along the same line of thinking, accompanying your wife at the time of embryo transfer can be most rewarding. This can be a highly emotional procedure. Your embryo/s is being placed in the womb and at least in that moment many women feel as if they are pregnant. Life may be starting here and it is wonderful to share this moment with your wife. Perhaps you may keep the Petri dish as a keepsake as the “baby’s first crib”. It is an experience a husband and wife are not likely to forget as their first time together as a family. I strongly recommend that men don those scrubs, hats and booties and join their wines and partners as the physician transfers the embryos from the dish into her womb. Nine months later do the same at delivery for memories that last a lifetime.

This is one husband’s story about living with a woman on hormones. It is not always this dramatic but the stress can be very difficult for a couple and many relationships benefit from professional support when going through fertility treatments. Imagine dealing with the stress, frustrations and cyclic disappointment couples feel when trying unsuccessfully to start a family. Add to this that your wife is being pumped up with hormones that have the potential to lower her threshold of rationality and sanity. Outbursts of anger directed at especially those closest to them are very common. Under normal circumstances most of us can control our reactions without letting our emotions get in the way. Hormones can greatly diminish our ability to control our behavior when circumstances become tense and stressful. Hormones have even been used as a defense in murder cases. My recommendation is to get rid of any guns in the house and not respond to apparent emotional outbursts. This should pass when the cycle is completed and the hormones have faded from the system. If not…?

Before the tips, here’s a hopeful quip:

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you,” said John De Paola.

I don’t know if pregnancy will “catch” you if you slow down…but heck, it’s worth a try! To learn more about sperm, ovulation, and getting pregnant, click Fertility and Infertility for Dummies by Gillian Lockwood and others. And, read on for dozens of tips on reducing the stress of infertility….At East Coast Fertility, join our Mind Body Program where reducing stress and improving your odds is the name of the game.

Social Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Tell your friends what you need. If don’t want people to keep asking if you’re pregnant (I hate that!), then tell them that you’ll give them the good news when you’re ready!

- Accept your way of dealing with infertility. You and your partner’s method of coping with infertility could be much different than mine, or your sister’s – and the sooner that you accept it, the better.

- Talk to your friends about your frustrations and joys.

- Have a relaxing glass of wine or a margarita with friends, but don’t overdo it (though some say you shouldn’t drink alcohol at all when you’re trying to get pregnant…that’s a personal choice).

- Prioritize invitations to reduce stress. Give yourself time to unwind and do what you want to do. Say no to parties or get-togethers, or just make a brief appearance.

- Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your life, situation, relationship, or family to other people’s.

Physical Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Get a full-body massage – and tell your massage therapist that you’re trying to get pregnant.

- Spend time out in nature: walking, skating skiing in the winter, hiking in the summer.

- Take a warm bubble bath (but if you’re a female or male coping with infertility, make sure you check with your doctor first).

- Stop eating before you’re full – don’t gorge on chocolates, chips, or fast food.

- Get enough sleep.

- Reduce your caffeine intake (I’m sure you’ve heard that before!).

- Take your vitamins, supplements, minerals (you’ve heard that before, too, I bet).

- Drinks lots of water.

- Get a manicure or pedicure.

- Make love for the sake of making love.

Mental Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Volunteer at a food bank, hospital, or animal shelter.

- Take downtime to snooze, read, relax.

- Play your favorite card and board games – laughing will reduce the stress of getting pregnant.

- Take a regular crossword puzzle or Suduku break.

- Pick your battles, choose your priorities.

- Let go of the little stuff.

- Watch your favorite TV shows or movies.

- Share your baking or meals with homebound people or lonely neighbors.

Emotional Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Practice gratitude.

- Have realistic expectations.

- Laugh!

- Stay in touch with your authentic emotions.

- Cry, scream, or punch the pillow when you need to.

- Stop to take a deep breath every hour or so throughout the day.

- Let yourself grieve. Reducing stress involves expressing your emotions.

- Keep your old traditions and healthy habits alive, but be open to new ones.

Creative Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Paint, draw or carve your thoughts and feelings.

- Visit a museum or art gallery to reduce holiday stress.

- Go to a movie in the middle of the day by yourself.

- Listen to music that relaxes and/or energizes you.

- Go for a drive in the country; stop for hot chocolate and muffins.

- Write in your journal to reduce stress.

Spiritual Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Pray, and remember the big picture.

- Read the Bible, Torah, or other meaningful book.

- Seek the deep meaning behind church or mass services to reduce holiday stress.

- Remember that your God, Creator or Higher Power is working behind the scenes.

- Adjust your perspective to include peace, compassion, and forgiveness.

Family Ways to Reduce Infertility Stress

- Change your regular responses to aggravating family members, especially if your normal responses haven’t worked in the past!

- Shrug off challenges and criticisms.

- Let go of past betrayals, mistakes, failures – both yours and others’.

- Don’t expect people to change (unless you change first).

- Maintain healthy boundaries to reduce infertility stress.

Readers, how do you let go of the stress of trying to get pregnant? I find that walking in the woods out behind our house is hugely relaxing – it reminds me that life can be beautiful even without kids. There’s something about deep breaths of fresh air that energize me, no matter how bad I’m feeling…

At East Coast Fertility, we understand the emotional aspect that accompanies infertility, and we believe it is equally important to support our patients emotionally as well as physically. It is important to understand fertility holistically. In addition to treating the various physical etiologies of infertility, we must take into account the effects of stress and anxiety. Your mind and body work together, not separately. Therefore your thoughts have a direct effect on yourphysiology. When you are experiencing stress, your brain releases stress hormones. These stress hormones function in many ways. One of the stress hormones, cortisol, has been documented to interfere with the release of the reproductive hormones, GnRH (gonadatropin releasing hormone), LH (luteinizing hormone), FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), estrogen, and progesterone. In fact, severe enough stress can completely inhibit the reproductive system. Cortisol levels have also been linked to very early pregnancy loss. For this reason, it has been found extremely helpful when treating infertility, to include mind/body methods and strategies which help to alleviate the stress response that sets off a cascade of hormonal responses which may inhibit fertility.

The mind/body work we teach here at East Coast Fertility includes methods that allow the body to return to a calm and relaxed state, thereby turning off the biochemical stress response and allowing our hormonal physiology to function optimally.  Feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation, and anger are common themes in infertility.  Often, anger masks the feelings of loss experienced month after month of trying to conceive without success. Infertility impacts on one’s marriage, self-esteem, sexual relationship, family, friends, job, and financial security.

One study showed that women going through infertility experience as much depression as women who have been diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses such as metastatic cancer, heart disease, or HIV. When women face these other illnesses, they are likely to seek out the support of their friends and family. The sad aspect of infertility is that although these women are as depressed as those facing life-threatening illnesses, they are far less likely to seek out support from friends and family. Often, thoughts of not living up to the expectation to become pregnant, thoughts such as “why is this happening to me?!”, and the intense emotions of loss related to the thought that one may never have a child, lead to feelings of isolation, anger, and depression.

Although there is a correlation between stress and infertility, the relationship remains complex. However, the research does in fact suggest that psychosocial factors such as depression and anxiety correlate with
lower pregnancy rates following IVF. In addition, of the women who participated in Alice Domar’s Mind/Body program at the Mind/Body institute in Boston, 55% conceived pregnancies that resulted in the birth of a full term baby compared with 20% of the control group.

~ Mind/Body Support Group at East Coast Fertility ~

In our Mind/Body support group, patients experience the opportunity to share information, feelings, or their own personal stories. You may be surprised to see how your support can help others or you may be relieved
to hear others experiencing the same type of thoughts and feelings as you experience. Often, the supportive nature of this group, and the connection that develops between members, fosters a healing process.
Feelings of isolation, anger, and stress are slowly relieved.

Our Mind/Body program focuses on symptom reduction and developing a sense of control over one’s life by utilizing Mind/Body strategies and interventions which elicit the relaxation response. The relaxation
response is actually a physical state that counteracts the stress response. You can think of it as the physiological opposite of the body’s stress response. We cannot be stressed and relaxed at the same time.
Therefore when a person elicits the relaxation response, the body’s stress response is halted, stress hormones diminish. Stress responses such as heart rate, metabolic rate, blood pressure, and shallow breathing decrease. Breathing becomes slower and deeper, so we have more oxygen being delivered to all the cells in the body. The way in which you are taught to elicit the relaxation response is through methods such as: breath focus, guided visual imagery, muscle Relaxation and learned mindfulness, and meditation.

In Mind/Body work, we also work with “cognitive restructuring” which is examining our negative thoughts, seeing where there is distortion, and reframing our thoughts positively and realistically. Often, we have held on to certain negative thoughts and feelings we may have developed years ago. The thought pattern becomes so ingrained in us, that we take it for truth, when in fact, it is a distortion. Cognitive restructuring will help you examine your thoughts and see which are distorted, causing you needless worry, anxiety, or depression. Once you understand how a thought is distorted, you can change those thoughts and alleviate the anxiety attached to them.

Awareness of the mind/body connection allows us to use our minds to make changes in our physiology. This holistic treatment – combining bio-medical science with mind/body medicine deals with the treatment of the whole individual rather than looking only at the physical aspect.  The fact is, body and mind work together. We invite you to take advantage of this unique area of support provided at East Coast Fertility and join our Mind/Body group.